It’s been quite a long time of saying no and I’m losing all the reasons and excuses defending myself in never wanting to fall for someone again. Not anytime soon, I’d say. Maybe at the very young age, loving was easy but as we grow up, committing will feel irrational. When you get hurt, It’ll make your heart and mind waver. Learning will come but doubt will follow.
I must admit, there was this time of my life when I was head over heels for the wrong one. The shallow motivator of my young self. I remember asking myself some random why’s and why’s then things broke down and everything shattered leaving me shock and defenseless of that hurt. Right then, there was this click-click-then-snap!!!
That very young love had allowed me to figure out the beauty and ugliness of relationship and love. Early stages of romantic relationship can be exhilarating but things like that can be easily nullified as well. In love, there’s no such thing as forever and always. Maybe you got yourself a great boyfriend or a loving husband, maybe a kickass friend or an amazing family but let’s face it: things were not always that perfect and such forever sometimes, only lasted for like a day or an hour or more.
We’re all living in a world that’s been jammed with pride, selfishness and greed; brimming with different sick and poor intentions to others. At some point, we’ve been hurt, criticized, broken and betrayed by someone we’ve trusted and loved.
Untrusting and sometimes being difficult had become me for so long that I can no longer remember when it even started. Maybe because that innocent and naive trust I had got trashed and used up merciless that’s why.
Being in love was not a voluntary process. It may come at the very wrong place or time and yeah, plainly with some sort of a wrong person or so. Women at my age fall as easy as tripping over someone. You often here them say: “He likes me, and I’m so kilig and I think, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, forever.”
So whoever you are that is reading this, please be smart enough when it comes to your heart and life. Feelings can be temporary and that happiness can fleet as fast as the blink of an eye.
Being envious of some person with great love and life was fine. They’re lovely anyway. What’s wrong is when you decided to commit over that jealousy you have. Try not to love just because of that longing or loneliness inside. You’ll end up drowning yourself in some depths of darkness and it’ll be hard for you to spark up. That’s what I’ve been telling myself for some time now. It works. There are billions of people in this planet and there’s no way not to find that someone who can love you back.
Remember, no matter where you are in this journey, you are always loved. Maybe by someone you know or someone you do not. It was no longer a man’s world so stood up. Go build yourself and wait till that someone knocks up. It can be someone close or not but who knows right? Someday.