Slowly Drifted


Lately, I’d been continuously feeling sorry for myself.  I feel bad for becoming so fed up and persistently being sorry for everything.

Growing up, I thought love was about lifetime responsibility and commitment… at least that’s what I’d been told about.  I’ve let my happiness attached so much on somebody else’s approval that I ended up being a hollow body myself.  Every decision I made is a reflection of ownership but for them, owning me was not enough. It was never enough.

I had no idea how much pain I had inside me. No clue at all. I feel stress and emotionally harassed. I never learned when to speak up; somehow I’ve mastered the art of sobbing so quietly until my lungs give up and my vision started to cut out. Though I have shared some of my deepest wounds and secrets with a couple of friends of mine, I realized that the healing was not going to come from anyone saying they are sorry. The pain, it’s just there every day, it keeps on coming at me so often that it has become one of me already.  Sucks huh?

I know. Believe me, I know.


Voiceless Whispers


Stop. Listen. Listen and listen. Your thoughts, can you hear them? Soft or loud; in a voice of a murmur, a laughter or a whimper, can you hear it?

That inner self, it’s you. There will be times of disappointment and defeat but those were inevitable so don’t be so hard on yourself. Even when your thoughts have failed you or had been failing you countless of times now, don’t stop listening. Don’t lose it.

Mistakes happens so please, whatever that thing is, get over it. Those thoughts, that inner self, it’s your greatest ally or enemy depending on how you are planning to listen. So whenever you are in trouble, whenever you are in doubt…




Listen and listen.

Coffee-flavoured Loneliness


Yesterday I woke up feeling sicker than I’d ever felt in my entire life. My head hurts sooo bad it felt like Athena was just getting ready to spring out! I was sick. I was, like, seriously sick.

I slept for almost the whole day yesterday, waking up only to drink and eat a little (literally little, since I couldn’t swallow nor taste whatever that food is.) Yup, even my throat was aching. Great.

I’m bored and I’m sick. I’m sick and I’m bored. If that wasn’t the best and the perfect combination, then I don’t know what it is.

I’d really rather be stuck at home by storm than to this, I feel miserable and completely stupid of doing completely nothing for days.

So I’ve reached my limit; I got off my bed, made myself a big cup of coffee(the biggest cup I found on the kitchen I guess.) Grab my laptop, open up my blog and bitch about my current state of sickness a little.

Conclusion for today? An occasional decaf wasn’t oh so bad! I feel so much better after finishing my cup. It wasn’t much but at least, there’s that.

Surely, we all don’t have time to be knocked out by cold and flu don’t we? Stay safe, stay healthy, and stay… wherever you are (right, not funny. Ha.ha – sarcasm – meh.)

Anyways, enjoy the rest of the weekend loves.


Life Lately


Today, as the cold breeze comes wandering around the house, all from the little rain showered not too long after morning, I finaly find myself in the mood for writing. It’s been ages since the last time I’d been here in my blog and I practically spent half of my Sunday reading and checking all those journal entries my co-bloggers had. Over the last few months, I took a total shut down and tried not to look at my blog.

Fortunately, these past few months had been extremely good for me and I’m pretty much pleased with how things were working on lately.

You see, I got myaelf a new job and it was great! The location was more convenient and my travelling hours would only take an hour or more compared to my former 3-hour commute days on my previous job. Lovely isn’t it?

Reading is probably one of my favorite things in the world and what’s more great about this job is that I get to spend more time on my precious books each day.  I may not be the world’s most phenomenal reader but I do read a lot, like a loooooooooot!

Moving on wasn’t easy but hey, I’m completely satisfied and happy about those past decisions that I’ve made. Personal or professional, there’s nothing to regret.

I still remember those days of feeling miserable in the past. Being in a dysfunctional place was crazy! I remember facing deadlines and having people breathing down my neck. Having my stress level reaching up the roof was madness. That time, I knew I really need to do something about it; Yes I was scared but still, I did it.

Leaving my previous job was not easy. Even when I was dying to leave and move forward with my career, I felt somewhat guilty for those people who are going to suffer on my action but that, my dear friends, didn’t stop me from moving.

So that’s all for today! What a boring entry for a comeback, right? He-he. Sorry about that. I’ll make it up to yah all on my next one. Babush!

Happy Little Pill


Let’s talk about happiness, shall we? Was there a time in your life when you feel like happiness itself was running away from you?

For me? Yes. A couple of times now, I think. Laughing and giggling had always been my thing in the past. Unfortunately, I had quite forgotten the old and silly me when I started digging into this making-a-living-journey. It was fun. Maybe hard and tiresome sometimes but I love it. (sorta). You do know the things money can give you so yeah, my little happiness started on my first paycheck. I get to buy my favorite books. I get to eat all those expensive foods, etc. It was great, really, until that very moment hit me.

With so much ups and downs; dramas and uncertainties at work, all those pressure seems to dominate each and every day of my life. It was bad, we were miserable.

So there, before I get to kill myself out of stress, I resigned. No doubts, no worries, no hesitation at all. This isn’t about giving up but more on like giving myself another chance to be happy. Eeennkkk, corny.

So here I am, enjoying the life I believe I deserved, for all the hardship and everything. This freedom I am kissing right now was the pill my life was missing. Yep. Definitely.

Mister Lying Bastard with Miss Pretend Innocent Bitch.


He’s such an asshole. Like, total.dumb.fucking.ASS!

As much as I hate myself in getting into this kind of gossip, it was just too much!

Seeing that someone proudly stabbing the love of his life in front of everybody was so fucked up. At first it was bearable but each day, that little fucker was overdoing it and it’s making me sick. It even hurts to look at whoever that person is and whoever that other person was.

I ache for those people who are being cheated with. I mean, isn’t it a major disrespect to anyone?

Disgusting, seriously. What a dick.



Let_it_go (2)

Honestly speaking: I won’t be really sorry to see 2014 go away. Yeah, not my greatest year bud. I failed this year.  I failed it.

Now that we’re already days away from the coming year, I bet lots of people are getting all jumpy and itchy in setting up new goals and plans for this New Year to come. Not me. People might just be excited in getting a nice dress or shirt. Busy in planning of something nice to cook, some maybe happily getting in touch with their love ones but yeah, not me.

This year had been awfully bad. First: I got into crazy fights with some very good friends of mine.  Friends from work, childhood friend and a friend I just met several months ago. Funny huh? I’m not much of a trouble maker myself so I’m not sure what went wrong either.

I’m not proud of it. Yes, maybe because my pride was the very last thing I’m gonna put down for someone. I’m usually fun and silly but I can be very scary and bitchy if I feel like things are getting all up against me.

And yes, It’s-been-a-nobody-gives-a-fuck-whether-I-get-the-job-done-or-not-year for me, for them or maybe to anybody. This year might not be the very best but yeah, I guess 2014 still deserves a proper bow. So there you have it 2014, I’m kissing you goodbye and I’m about the hug this 2015 my warm hello. You’d been a long one. Still, thanks my friend. Cheers!